I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
