Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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