It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
