Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
