Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
