I need help removing her.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
