I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Randomize
