I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
