I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
