I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
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Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
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Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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