She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
