My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I look excited, but its just a facade.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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