I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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