Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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