her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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