Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he fucked my hip out of place.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
