I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
