so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
