4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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