Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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