Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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