I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
