i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
