I'm really into asian looking animals
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
