umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
