The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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