You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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