Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
