im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
