dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
