Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
