sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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