oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
