Pappa wants mamma naked
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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