Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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