i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
