a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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