I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
