Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
