oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
