we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My dick has a subreddit
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
