I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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