Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
