you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
