he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
