I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
