I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
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That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
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This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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