We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
