I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Randomize
