Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
