I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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