you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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