marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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