we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
birth control should be required to get into college
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
