just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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