Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
