i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
