Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize