She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
