today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
