My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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