I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, beer. Big fan.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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