Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
