i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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