"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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