i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
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